It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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