It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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