The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
White coat. Heels.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
