girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Everclear isn't food dammit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
