Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
