i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
