Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
