Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
