She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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