from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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