please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
