he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
