I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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