Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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