we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there's paper in my vomit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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