That's intense
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
