Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
