I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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