you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
