you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
