So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jerry, you need to find god
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize