i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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