oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
