3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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