I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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