how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
