I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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