I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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