You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
