I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do vagina's smell?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
