No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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