Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
