just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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