Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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