So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
