If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
