I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
