Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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