I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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