Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
