There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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