So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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