First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
