Life is so much better after having sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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