I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
