Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
