LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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