smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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