Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
