sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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