So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
