I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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