I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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