my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
