Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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