hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
