so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
