I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
