well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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