I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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