she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
