hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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