yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
