I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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