Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
