I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
