when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
