Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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