I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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