i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
