you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As shirtless as possible
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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