My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
