guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he shaved USA in his pubs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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