her vagine was all disorganized.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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