She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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