i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
