I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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