His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
