I wannas sexs uuuuu
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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