Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
