I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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