I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
