We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
