i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
